Got this tag from lang .
Copy this entire list of questions and change all the answers so that they apply to you. Then tag and pass it along to other blogging friends. Let’s see how well we can get to know one another!
1. What is your occupation?
Registered Nurse/Nurse Instructor/Grad student/NCLEX tutor/frustrated GRO/Aspiring photographer/Net whore/yaya/mummy/driver/kantatera
2. What color are your socks right now?
none
3. What are you listening to right now?
Jesus of Suburbia -Green Day
4. What was the last thing that you ate?
sinigang ala Ate Marj
5. Can you drive a stick shift?
hell yeah baby! Sally is a 1.3 manual bitch. Di na ko sanay sa matic. I unconsciously always look for the clutch pad.
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?purple, regal and serene (same here!)
7. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
Ate Maricel
8. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Yes. One of my coolest net friends. Astig!
9. Favorite drink?
Coke light. Pepsi Max. San Mig Light.
10. What is your favorite sport to watch?
so sorry. not sporty.
11. Have you ever dyed your hair?
obviously, yes.
12. Dog named?
Ganja (the pitbull), Weed (the sickly pomeranian)
13. Favorite food?
fastfood!
14. Last movie you watched?
Jumper. (showing na pala Kite Runner! thanks for the update, Lang!)
15. Favorite Day of the year?
Any non-toxic day
16. What do you do to vent anger?
blog. shoot. jog. magic sing.
17. What was your favorite toy as a child?
microscope! D'oh!
18. What is your favorite, fall or spring?
summer!
19. Hugs or kisses?
hugs AND kisshies
20. What kind of pie?
tina-pie
21. Do you want your friends to email you back?Or answer this tag?
yup
22. Who is most likely to respond?
no idea as of the moment
23. Who is least likely to respond?
walang internet access
24. Living arrangements?
on a separate quarters inside my parents lot.
25. When was the last time you cried?
I forgot
26. What is on the floor of your closet?
mess
27. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to?
Ate Peachy. Whole lifetime.
28. The friend you have known the shortest amount of time that you are sending this to?
Online buddies
29. Favorite smell?
Issey Miyake. Drakkar.
30. What inspires you?
Skye Michael Vincent
31. What are you afraid of?
failure
32. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers?
cheese
33. Favorite car?
Sally. Toyota Vios 2006 m/t.
34. Favorite cat breed?
no cats please
35. Number of keys on your key ring?
4. car keys. office key. house keys.
36. How many years at your current job?
2 years
37. Favorite day of the week?
Friday
38. How many provinces have you lived in?
none
39. How many countries have you been to?
been to planets
I'm tagging Ate Peach, kuting kitten, kaye, ciara, rosyel.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Hoping It'd Get Lovelier the Second Time Around
I was once sooo afraid...
I know the fear has always been there for so long. Much longer than I can remember.
I fear of failure. Of not being able to pull it off.
I've done it once... and failed miserably.
I hated how people saw me after that. No matter how they try to look sympathetic for you and your miseries, they will, and always WILL talk behind your back.
I hated the sinking feeling when it doesn't fit the way you want it to, no matter how much you tried to make it work. You know you've already done everything you could, endured painful hours of sacrifice, and resisted lots of temptation (which is so damn hard) all because you want to be the perfect fit... but still, to no avail.
I hated the fact that you sometimes show people how happy and comfortable you are being in it, even if you know it's killing you inside and it's making your stomach growl eveytime. It does strain you to your very core, but just to uplift the honor, you'd grin and bear it... EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME!
I hated the feeling of having all eyes on you just because you took the risk. It's as if all the people around you haven't took the same risk you did. Nobody really cares, right? But why it's as if everyone's eyes is on you, waiting for that small slip to get noticed even before you know it.
I hated the feeling of being too controlled... of being too inhibited on how I ought to move or act lest it gives way and departs from my whole vulnerable being just because I was too "galawgaw".
I hated the thought of being seen. What would they say? That it's so improper for a mom to do? That a woman a few weeks short of being granted her annulment papers and reclaiming singleness and her old surname suddenly became this wild and immoral?
I hated the social stigma it brings. We Filipinos were brought up to be conservative. Other than that, in a culture such as this, what I am going through right now is still kinda unacceptable for most of our conservative freaky society (trust me, I'd allow my son or sisters to do it as many times as they want to).
I hated the way I looked. It was as if jumping into one of these too soon was one of the reasons it failed miserably the first time. I wasn't good enough... will I be good enough this time around?
I hated the feeling of having to live up to expectations. I was afraid of not being able to fit the bill like they thought I was supposed to.
I hated the feeling of having every inch of me exposed to another.
I hated the possibility that it would show my flaws in public.
I hated being in it.
Now things took a 180 degree turn.
Realizing that you can have something better than what you had before, it suddenly made you think, What the heck? I don't wanna live the rest of my life wondering about the might-have-been's and shoulda, woulda coulda's. I am at the prime of my life. I so deserve this. To hell with what other people may think! I am happy, and being in another one of these will make me love myself more than I could ever imagine. It's time for me to take the risk. Even though that the possibility of failing again is still there, that won't make me stop experiencing this. I've moved on from the past mistake and I am now very much willing to go through it again. Much more confident this time because I now know better.
And I love the feeling!
I am no longer afraid...
I deserve to be happy, and I hope everyone can be happy for me as well...
I'm ready this time...
Pucha! Ang init na kasi! Damn the diet! Damn what you'd all think!
I'm now ready, very ready, to don a much better fitting bikini and HIT THE BEACH!!!
Can't wait for summer. :)
I know the fear has always been there for so long. Much longer than I can remember.
I fear of failure. Of not being able to pull it off.
I've done it once... and failed miserably.
I hated how people saw me after that. No matter how they try to look sympathetic for you and your miseries, they will, and always WILL talk behind your back.
I hated the sinking feeling when it doesn't fit the way you want it to, no matter how much you tried to make it work. You know you've already done everything you could, endured painful hours of sacrifice, and resisted lots of temptation (which is so damn hard) all because you want to be the perfect fit... but still, to no avail.
I hated the fact that you sometimes show people how happy and comfortable you are being in it, even if you know it's killing you inside and it's making your stomach growl eveytime. It does strain you to your very core, but just to uplift the honor, you'd grin and bear it... EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME!
I hated the feeling of having all eyes on you just because you took the risk. It's as if all the people around you haven't took the same risk you did. Nobody really cares, right? But why it's as if everyone's eyes is on you, waiting for that small slip to get noticed even before you know it.
I hated the feeling of being too controlled... of being too inhibited on how I ought to move or act lest it gives way and departs from my whole vulnerable being just because I was too "galawgaw".
I hated the thought of being seen. What would they say? That it's so improper for a mom to do? That a woman a few weeks short of being granted her annulment papers and reclaiming singleness and her old surname suddenly became this wild and immoral?
I hated the social stigma it brings. We Filipinos were brought up to be conservative. Other than that, in a culture such as this, what I am going through right now is still kinda unacceptable for most of our conservative freaky society (trust me, I'd allow my son or sisters to do it as many times as they want to).
I hated the way I looked. It was as if jumping into one of these too soon was one of the reasons it failed miserably the first time. I wasn't good enough... will I be good enough this time around?
I hated the feeling of having to live up to expectations. I was afraid of not being able to fit the bill like they thought I was supposed to.
I hated the feeling of having every inch of me exposed to another.
I hated the possibility that it would show my flaws in public.
I hated being in it.
Now things took a 180 degree turn.
Realizing that you can have something better than what you had before, it suddenly made you think, What the heck? I don't wanna live the rest of my life wondering about the might-have-been's and shoulda, woulda coulda's. I am at the prime of my life. I so deserve this. To hell with what other people may think! I am happy, and being in another one of these will make me love myself more than I could ever imagine. It's time for me to take the risk. Even though that the possibility of failing again is still there, that won't make me stop experiencing this. I've moved on from the past mistake and I am now very much willing to go through it again. Much more confident this time because I now know better.
And I love the feeling!
I am no longer afraid...
I deserve to be happy, and I hope everyone can be happy for me as well...
I'm ready this time...
Pucha! Ang init na kasi! Damn the diet! Damn what you'd all think!
I'm now ready, very ready, to don a much better fitting bikini and HIT THE BEACH!!!
Can't wait for summer. :)
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